Hair
it was a hot and muggy night out in the brooklyn streets. the mother finally gets her kids to sleep to the sound of their one fan blaring in some calming noise and blasting hot air into their faces. she kisses her man, scoops a generous amount of ice-cream onto a cone, and walks down the stairs to sit at her stoop, feeling half guilty about the kids not getting any mint-chocolate chip ice cream, but fully enjoying it all to herself. just as she is about to give it one more lick, the woman shows up. though it had been a while since the woman had made an appearance at the mother’s stoop, they instantly recognized the glare of eachother’s eyes. they knew their truths would be out on the table like a fresh deck of cards. so there was no sense in hiding it. both were curious to see where this encounter would take them, so without a second passing, the woman sat next to the mother as the stagnant night air seemed to be cut by the slightest cool breeze….
the woman: mother! it looks like you are not keeping up with the hairstyles you used to have when you spent more time with me? you sure look busy. too busy to look good.
the mother: honey, if i can get those 15 minutes of sleep that it takes to do my hair, trust me, i’m goona take them! as long as its clean. though i’ve had a few days of overdue hairwashing before, truth be told. how about you, you still worry about your hair that much?
the woman: a woman has to be in touch with her sensuality, mujer! and my hair is an essential part of me as a sensual being, i take care of it because it makes me feel good. i only get this body once you know!
the mother: you got a point. what’s happen to me is that my priorities have changed. i find myself deeper and deeper into the world of giving. and yes, often that means that i forget about myself, and that is not ok, but this giving world is actually quite a meditative practice. because i don’t always want to give! but when i do, and i let go of me a bit, i grow a bit more. i would rather meditate for 15 minutes in silence all by myself than do my hair! different priorities…
the woman: girl, you need to take time for yourself! watch, after you do that awesome side french braid hair due you used to rock back in the day, you’ll feel soooo good! and you’ll look in the mirror and say to yourself “i still got it!” and that is going to elevate you to higher meditations mama!
the mother: you’re funny. i won’t lie, i miss that hair style! Though in honesty, something that has really changed is that I am not so interested in what’s going on outside as much as being focused on what is going on in the inside. I have learned to pay attention to the smallest influence and feeling that i have inside, and actually locate its root, place that feeling in the right context rather than just react to it. You know?
the woman: no, i don’t! everything is a reaction, what is wrong with that?
the mother: well, i tell you what’s the issue here, every reaction i have is a mirror to the children, and they will learn from my behaviour. For example, if i am tired and don’t address that, i start acting real strange…real pissy, grumpy, rude, and the b. i. t. c. h. starts coming out, and it doesn’t matter who is there, you are gonna get it! the root there is that i have been on the go for days without a chance to renew myself and my energy, if i don’t address the root cause, then my behaviour will be filled with negative reactions. And my children suffer, i suffer, my partner suffers. The children learn that its ok to not take care of yourself and instead act disrespectful. So, even if i am rocking a dope hairstyle and i’m looking soooo good, inside I am not feeling that great. Back to my original point, I choose sleep before I choose hair style!
the woman: girl, i remember when you were a b.i.t.c.h.! It was fun! we all got one and we all gotta make sure she’s sticks around for when you need her. Plus, doing your hair and spending time with me would rejuvivate you to heaven, and then you can come home all relaxed and fresh for your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Lol. My point is don’t let go of what is good!
the mother: you are persistant!
the woman: i am a woman! and too often you mothers forget that!
the mother: well, same goes for you, though you don’t forget, you just don’t know what its like to be a mother!
the woman: i may not know what it is like, but i do know that you are not just that! a mother is a part of you, but you are a woman, if you weren’t one you would not have these babies!
the mother: true, except that you haven’t experienced the process it takes to become a mother as a woman. Once you are a mother, you are always a mother, it becomes an absolute part of who you are. It is inseparable. You become one WOMOTHER.
the woman: WOMOTHER! there you go with your made up words! i disagree though. you must separate them.
the mother: why?
the woman: because your children will leave your side one day, and then what?
the mother: then I will still be a mother.
the woman: a mother that doesn’t need to make PB and J anymore. lol.
the mother: a mother that is going to spend some time doing her hair! lol.
the woman: mama, are you seriously going to wait 20 years before you touch your hair!? my point is that you can give the mothering thing all you got, forgetting that you are a woman, and then as the years pass by, your mothering career changes and you are left with a “who knows what” wondering what to do next. So before you get there, do me a favor, go braid your hair!
the mother: and my point is that I am changing, not only because I’ve become a mother, but because part of being a woman is learning to change, and accepting that. if you define womanhood by rocking a dope hairstyle then you will always be stuck on how the outer world defines you, rather than honing to your inner womanhood and the wisdom that comes from your inner strength. Girl, there are days that my hair is a mess, and the house is a mess, and i don’t want to cook, and everything is upside down, but knowing how to take 10 minutes to get in touch with my inner wisdom turns everything right side up, and it gives me the strength to get what needs to get done and still be joyous. Being a woman for me is knowing how to define myself and be always in touch with my deepest truth, so that if i go outside and my hair is not done I can still walk in joy and in love with myself and those around me.
the woman: ok. you got me. though there is still something you can’t deny; your sensual self. the woman that knows it is exeptionally wonderful to smell good.
the mother: hmmmm. smelling good? i’ll have to get back to you with that. i got to go get some PB and J’s ready. mua!