RISING TRIBES

being a learning tree

“Unfortunately we learned in school that learning is locked up in books and reading is the only way to get to it. It’s not. It’s free. We’re surrounded by it. We just need to relearn how to recognize it in its wild state.” –Joyce Kurtak Fetteroll

trees are the metaphor of our life as a family.  i grew up on one, climbing, hugging, picking fruit on them, my partner was all about them, getting lost on a tree when ever he could.  and our children, well, they just came as trees.  asking us in their own subtle spiritual way to address them as such.  and since, since our coming to be as a family, trees have dictated the way we live our lives in this earth. earlier on, and i mean when Ceiba was a womb being still, we talked about homeschooling.  both of us were clear that schooling was a disservice to spiritual evolution, to the holistic development of a human being.  there was so much at stake when we thought of the journey ahead of us.  and our focus, our values, they all lead to a unified tribe that empowered each individual to their full potential (spirit, mind, body, soul).  school didn’t fit into that focus.

learning tree was born when Ceiba turned 4.  after a six month period where we gave school a try, all my doubts and  fears about what i was keeping my child from faded.  i was convinced that homeschooling was the way to go. so she stopped going.   after meditating on it for a while, i really felt that creating an environment where the child can find her/his true self, be in full love of that self, and learn from that place, he/she would  radiate that love to all that is external,  and then from that place build relationships, be of service.  so we gave it a go, we built learning tree inside our home.  the living room  was transformed into an oasis of imagination, recycled useful/inspiring toys from the free store began to fill baskets.  the book shelf was turned into an art shelf  filled with recycled art supplies, the walls got covered in art, nature was brought into our home from our nature walks, we held a circus day, learning tree with friends, piñata workshop, we lived learning at every moment.  each relationship we had  with each other and with friends we kept honest, loving, fun.  (note that we have moved  our living room learning tree in Cortes Island to the corner of our bedroom in Newark).

let me interject here and say that learning for us as parents, has never been about “success” as society would describe.  we are not trying to “mold”  high IQ kids, we are not trying to “mold” anything at all.  we see ourselves as the earth around the tree, we hold access to minerals, water, mycelium, but the roots of the tree, the tree itself does the magic.  the tree knows what it needs at what moment, and it knows exactly how to get it, and use it, and as it uses it, it creates, as it creates it is of service to its external environment.  do you think the tree thinks “i need to be successful! i must turn all these minerals and sunlight into oxygen and make sure i live long and make the most beautiful leaves, and flowers, and be the best tree ever, and get all kinds of awards for it.”  truly, i don’t know what a tree thinks (at least not yet, i’m working on it)  but in my heart observation of tree life, i’ve noticed and perceived that trees are in total serenity with what they are here to do, and just do it, because they trust their inner intelligence and use it to its full potential, every second of their lives.  and that is what i have seen our children do every second of their lives.  and i have also seen how society can be quick to suffocate the perfect and beautiful inner genius in us all. starting from the way we learn to see ourselves.

learning tree is  the inner genius blooming.  and in our every day life since we made the commitment to follow our conviction, we have worked towards creating an environment that allows for that to inner genius  to blossom, in each of us.  it ain’t easy let me tell you.  there was much to undo, specially for me.  coming from being an educator, working with youth, and always thinking about what curriculum to come up with next, i really had to learn to let go of controlling process and outcome.  that is when i began my research on unschooling, self design, self-directed learning, etc.  i was hungry  for tools that would help be undo some of my control on the education of our children and embrace with trust who they are, and what they are here to do.  doubt always creeps in to my busy chattering mind, but…it is always kept in check by one of the childrens’ inner genius moments.

what does our learning tree environment look like?  on a daily basis i have to say that its rooted on the freedom to play.  i play, kids play, partner plays.  we play.  one of the bonuses of being a learning tree with children is that you get to be a child all over again!  art is a part of the entire day, creativity comes up at any time, there is always drawing, cooking, making a creative mess, building homes, taking trips, turning the couch into a ferry, and the bed into a train. sewing books for the little brother.  building the most amazing cement mixer out of boxes and papel mache. making a dump truck with a cement mixer on top birthday cake. writing, recording and mixing your own songs.  quilting a four seasons quilt (a project that has taken a year and counting). i can go on.  the learning is guided by what play dictates. play is what children need to do, it is at the very core of our creative being.  it is the essence of creation.  and it is through this joyous acceptance of one’s inner genius that the blossoming takes place.  there are some days that because of running around doing errands, or having a big emotional day, or visiting friends, the energy can get low around here.  however, it is precisely with those moments that we get to know our deepest selves and our encoded rhythms.

Through being learning trees we are also learning to be a family.  We are discovering the rhythm our family needs to live in so that each individual and the collective can thrive.  We eat food that is cooked with care and love, we incorporate our individual needs into everything we do (ok, we try!), we speak to each other with the utmost respect (most of the time, work in progress), we give each individual an equal voice, and the freedom of choice (always there to guide when needed), we take our space alone when we need to, and we are learning together what works and what doesn’t.

About a month ago, doubt came to me again, it was after Ceiba said to me one night “i want to learn how to read.”  i thought to myself, ok, there is only one way i know how to do this.  i thought of all my experiences as a kid learning to read, and  those where i taught others to read; and was convinced that “I” had to do this for her, i had to teach her how to read.  I had met families  that had experienced their children teaching themselves to read, but my “educated” mind was at a loss, doubtful that it would even be possible.   I reached out to communities of unschoolers/homeschoolers that have been of incredible support in my journey (African American Unschoolers and Native American H0meschoolers) and received awesome feedback that supported what my heart believed, to trust that each individual can figure it out.  in the end i accepted: Ceiba can teach herself to read.

i end this post sharing that Ceiba is reading and writing thanks to her very own desire, effort and trust of her inner genius.  what did i do? i got out of the way, and only did anything that she asked me to do.  “mama, spell butterfly,”  “mama, tell me an alphabet story,” “sound it out Ceiba, try” i would add sometimes “no! mom, just spell it!”  it was her inner self directed knowing  that lead her to ask for what she needed.   i am inspired by her inner genius, and  it pushes me to get closer to mine.   we are all learning trees in this tribe, learning each day to live our purpose!  and loving it.

some goodies:

features the article with the quote up top: http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/171/jf_art_unsch.html

Radical Unschoolers: http://familyrun.ning.com/

Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/unschooling

Loving this blog right now: http://radiofreeschool.blogspot.com/

a nice one about guiding an artist: http://www.goshen.edu/art/ed/art-ed-links.html

Chichi #1: mamaluna on breastfeeding

I grew up watching a chichi or two hanging about, waiting to be feasted on.  Chichi is the most common word for  breasts in Mexico.  No this is not an x-rated post, only one where I share a bit of what it was like to grow up in an embracing breastfeeding community.  San Cristobal de las Casas was then (in the early 80’s) still a pueblito,  the mornings and evenings filled with greetings from neighbors or strangers passing by created the atmosphere of a delicately woven web of humanity characteristic of a pueblito.  This misty cold valley  scented with firewood and fireworks was the setting for brown chichis nursing everywhere, at the markets, at the hospitals, at the tortilleria lines, on the minibuses, on the corner mango stands.   To see a child nursing while attached to her mama in a  chal/rebozo  was a sign of the town’s health and prosperity.

My daily encounters with Tzeltal, Tzotzil and mestizo women breastfeeding their children was a reminder of my own sense of well being.  As child who was  born at home and breastfed for a couple of years, I felt an automatic  joy at the sight of other children nestled in their mother’s bosoms.  An automatic ticket to the feeling of home.  A home defined by the selfless gift of a well nourished life.  I was living a communal understanding of nursing  as natural and normal, chichis were meant to hang out with a child’s hand, mouth or both attached to them.

As I became a teenager,  formula was  introduced rampantly throughout Chiapas, and Mexico,  poor and working class mothers began to leave their homes and infants to go to work, new infant care centers began to open up.   The vicious cycle of corporate interest began to create a pattern, a clear example: women found jobs making formula at the new Nestle factory so that they could afford to buy formula for their children who where now at day care centers.   Higher class mestizo and Coleto families of San Cristobal, who had access to the latest bottles and formula, began to shrug at the sight of bare breasts.  By the early 90’s I remember only seeing indigenous women breastfeeding  in public, more and more i began to see children being bottle fed, including the times that I fed my own nephews their formula bottles.   In recent times, though these  massive influences and corporate effects on our culture still exist, indigenous children are most often breastfed.  As a matter of fact, while talking to a junior high school friend of mine who is now a Doctor  in Tzeltal an Tzotzil clinics,  I learned  that doctors are required to encourage mothers to breastfeed for a minimum of 6 months, however they would push formula before nursing claiming that  indigenous  mothers suffer from poor nutrition.   Instead of supporting, “re-educating” or backing off, physicians recommend formula!  (I won’t get into the sickness/details of the historically socio-political and psycological effect of colonization on indigenous peoples and how they  relate  to nursing mothers on this post, but do keep an eye out).

As a Tzeltal woman myself, I never thought twice about breastfeeding.  We are talking about Natural Law here.   When we had our first child, I was absolutely sure that breastfeeding had been a skill my ancestors had taught me.  Not that I knew how to do it, but I believed (and still do) that I had a genealogical sense that would help me learn as my infant was in my arms.  I know I am not the only woman who feels this way either.  Living in New York City during the first few months of our daughter’s life, I was witness to an array of women from all walks of life, culture, ethnicity who  where claiming breastfeeding as a natural process in human procreation and in turn making that choice for their own families.  I also learned a lot about the history of breastfeeding in the United States and the drastic decline of breastfed children, and about places like La Leche Legue and their effort in creating a resurgent breastfeeding movement.  Even then, I was not prepared for the utter shock of being  a breastfeeding mother in America.

When I began breastfeeding in the thick of NYC I felt that my chichi worlds were beginning to collide.  I came from this rich tradition of breastfeeding and chichis hanging about,  to the judgmental and shocked gazes in NYC buses and subways,  not to mention the one dude trying to get a good look at it for his own satisfaction.   I often felt that I had to protect my breastfeeding space, and cover my exposed body to retain the sacredness of my relationships with my daughter.   I chose to hold on to Natural Law, while my close sistah-friends and I photographed those NYC years of breastfeeding.   My daughter will be able to look back and see herself nursing on subways, parks, buses, streets, stoops and realize the normality of such relationship even in an urban setting.    It was so empowering to have felt that genealogical right, irregardless of the negative setting, it nourished my soul and  I am sure that of our first daughter.

I’ve come a long way from breastfeeding on the rush hours  of  NYC subways.  With our second, our son Caoba, I have been able to give myself fully to the relaxing chichi time while gazing at the tall  Cedar and Douglas Fir forests of  British Columbia, while being supported by the community I live in.  It truly is a relaxing experience  not only to my son or to me, but even to our first born daughter who is now five years old  and cuddles by our side, or uses it as down time for herself.  It is in this setting, as well as the setting of my mind, that I can give myself fully to the experience of nursing and benefit from  the love that is part of our bonds.   When I bring all of these experiences together, it makes me be that much more determined to work towards a world  that can provide nurturing and empowering environments to all nursing mothers, irregardless of how long they choose to nurse for.  STRESS FREE is key to a beautiful healthy relaxing nursing relationship.   And a beautiful healthy relaxing nursing experience leads families and children toward well nourished selves.  This is why my genes were strong!  We are talking about hundreds, thousands, a millenia of years of women nursing children.  So much so, that our ancestors, and here I mean our women ancestors, yours too, figured out that if they followed Natural Law and maintained a natural relationship to nursing children,  that in the long run it would have an effect into the coding of our genes!   By that I mean that an environment was tested, created, practiced, upheld so that such gene coding could manifest itself to its full potential, the evolution of each child and each family.  I end this by asking you my sistah, and you my brother, to change our world one nursing at a time.  Help each nursing mother and child you come across by ensuring a Stress Free environment, let go of your judgments, offer a pillow, smile, relax yourself, support in any way you can!  And to nursing mothers, you are not alone!

Living your Truth

I understand now why something like unschooling or let’s call it “living your truth” is so meaningful to humanity.  I have been watching my daughter and my son for the past month intently, observing rather, with patience and focus (two very hard things to do in the midst of everything else that needs to get done!)  However, this has proven to be the most delightful of practices, as well as the most insightful.

I have actually learned a bit about how my children learn, how their mood is affected by their energy, what they eat, how they rested, the weather, etc.  I have even learned that when I support  their own choices about what to do and how to do it, they create a  process of mastery, which I have come to understand as a deep sence of self.   Understanding the self in a holistic way: what can my body do?  how does this make me feel?  what do i need?  what do i want?  how do I meet my needs? and of course I can go on.  It is when we know ourselves in this deep and holistic way that we can achive mastery in our lives.

Back in my teaching/facilitating days at El Puente Leadership Center, the program made mastery one of their values, it achieved this by providing amazing artists to facilitate workshops in the After School program as well as exposing them to people that were masters in their field.  While those areas are just as important, I was also awere that youth who finished the program would find themselves really crippled by the lack of support in their new environments (work, college, etc).  The youth that continued empowered in ther learning experiences were those that trusted their abilities and were determined to reach  their goals after leaving the program.

I find that  as a parent I am priviledged to have the opportunity to observe two human beings become and evolve from themselves, and often find it difficult to back off, to let go of control.  So much so that I often confuse my care and responsibility to them with controling what they do and how they do it.  I guess that is the challenge of all parents, but its hightend for those of us who can learn from home.  It is quite tricky to navigate discipline with the freedom to be, but I have found (mainly from conversations with my partner and trial and error) that it is imperative to be clear about those boundaries.

Often at home you will hear one of the parents say “you don’t always get what you want” when dealing with something like “i want to stay up late tonight,” and I do feel very mixed about that statement.  Historically speaking, humanity has used–and continues to use–power, control and violence to keep folk from getting what they want.  In turn, we turned into a global network of consumers that are constantly spending so much money, specially women, buying stuff to make up for not getting what we wanted as children.  Whether it was love and attention or one more turn in the swing.   By default, parents have “inherited” the responsibility to protect and prepare the child from what she will experience in larger society, which states “you cant get what you want, but buy this instead.”

This is my question, why not understand what is at the root of that “want” and not only understand but actually acknowledge and work together to meet the root need?  All it would take in our example is “why do you feel you would want to stay up late?”  Whe we took this route  ourselves, we found out that our 4 year old is in need of time with her parents, without the constant putting her needs aside or being asked to wait because of her little brother’s needs.  Time where she can be reassured of our love by having healthy attention and care.   Instead of giving her the message that “she doesn’t get what she wants sometimes” she was able to hear, “what you need and want is important, thanks for listening to yourself, and for being able to express it. Since we didn’t plan it for tonight can we make sure to do that tomorrow night?”  Having done that made me much more aware of the fact that I too “wanted a late night with her and my partner!”  we had a blast together being a family.

If we don’t allow ourselves to have a deep connection with our Self,  to “live our truth”  how can we evolve and heal our very hurt society?  Are you living your truth?

Its True

This is how bad things are right now.  And I am just absolutely astonished at how many people are suffering around the world.  I mean, there is some really crazy stuff going on right now, and the economy is just one little part of that.  All of it  makes me think, the best thing we could be doing right now is keeping united as a family, as community, and being of service where ever we can.  I am planting some corn this year, and lots of squash and potatoes.

A Town in Crisis

Unschooling

I have been doing my initial research around unschooling as of late.  And I have to ask, why is it that as  humans we continuously want to define, categorize and name everything?  Though its sounds as an open ended and ridiculous question, I am seriously asking.

My recent thoughts spring from reading The Unschooling Handbook by  Mary Griffith, which is by the way a nice compilation of the voices and experiences of unschooling families (both parents and children).  It is also filled with great resource lists at the end of each chapter.  Which is  why I am up until almost midnight trying to find the books she lists on our library’s online catalogue.    While I am thoroughly enjoying the uplifting and clarifying voices of unschooling families (mostly American), I  keep coming back to the previous question, why do we need to name this way of learning?  I know there is some specialist of the left brain out there who can answer this question scientifically  to me.  But the images that answer that question in my mind are those of a people who are ever unhappy with who they are, what they have, and how they are living.  Feeling constantly plagued by the need to control the world around them.

In terms of unschooling, well, why categorize something that is truly the most natural way of learning? Not only natural, but has been the primary practice of child rearing, educating and community building in the history of humanity, and i mean here in particular the indigenous communities around the globe.

Having had the privilege of seeing what an alternative way of learning feels like and looks like from the indigenous perspective, I can definitely say, the idea of sitting in a room full  of people looking at a board and copying from it, definitely did not come from a happy people.  A happy people are those who are at peace with who they are and where they are, and understand their purpose and responsibility to self, community and nature.  I know that the Tzeltal people had been unschooling before it became a word, and definitely before they were forced to send their children to school miles away from home.  It is thanks to school that our Tzeltal language is  being lost.   Though in the most recent years there has been a push for bilingual education to counteract this language genocide (my father and uncle being two of the first bilingual teachers to retire in our community).  Who is going to tell us in the villages  that we should keep our kids at home instead of sending them to school?  It is a priviledge to homeschool and unschool for sure, but more so its a privelegde and an often overlooked  power to be able to categorize, name and define life and its different aspects, even when those turn out to be radical ones.

Nonetheless, we are unschooling.